Conscious loving: The art of tantra

By Roz Brown

      It was New Year's Eve, 1988, and three couples were gathered around our dining room table. Someone proposed that we all verbalize at least one goal for the coming year. A group of primarily Type-A personalities, the answers were predictable: make more money, buy a house, get a promotion, sell more stuff-the usual.

      Sitting at the head of the table, it was finally Laura's turn to reveal what she intended to pursue in the coming year. She replied, "Follow my bliss." The men other than her husband were bewildered, even slightly annoyed. Not being familiar with the recently popularized phrase by Joseph Campbell, they argued that she owed us a more definitive New Year's resolution, but she held firm.

      I remembered that incident when researching this article and repeatedly encountering the word "bliss." I don't know if Laura would say that the ensuing years have allowed her to follow her bliss, but in the scheme of things, it was a much worthier goal than what the rest of us articulated that night.

      In writing about traditional tantra and contemporary neo-tantrism, Georg Feuerstein, PhD, founder-director of the Yoga Research and Education Center (YREC) in California and a prolific author of scholarly books on yoga, says, "Contrary to popular imagination, there are no shortcuts to spiritual realization. Bliss and freedom are won only through the conquest of the self."

      That's a good starting point for explaining the difference between traditional tantra and neo-tantrism, which Feuerstein, an advocate of authentic yoga, nonetheless says has its place as "an important factor in the emergent body-positive spirituality. It provides meaning and hope for some of those who have outgrown guilt-ridden Puritanism and conventional sexuality."

      Too often in Western society, if the word tantra is recognized at all, it is equated with some sort of kinky sex or free-love lifestyle. And there's some truth to that equation. But in its original definition, the Sanskrit word tantra defined an ancient discipline practiced in an effort to transcend oneself. In fact, modern hatha yoga in all its myriad styles (the common element of which is asana, or poses) is an offshoot of tantra. And traditional tantra itself is also still taught in an undiluted form.

      Says one local practitioner, "Tantra hasn't changed at all in the last 3,000 years, but people's perceptions of it have. It's truly all about attaining higher consciousness through exercises that are meditative, energetic and yogic. If it's presented as just sexual, it's not really tantra."

      The ancient spiritual system of tantra, which was a system of yoga, viewed sexual love as a sacrament. To achieve this special kind of consciousness-expanding sex the tantrika (a practitioner of tantra) needed to undergo lengthy moral, emotional, mental and spiritual preparation. Neo-tantra often skips many of the steps and its original meaning has been diluted-which doesn't mean it can't be a valuable practice.

      Charles and Caroline Muir are currently the best-known couple teaching a system they openly describe as not traditional, but rather, "based on Tantric philosophical concepts and techniques that can elevate a couple's relationship to the level of art." They believe that most of us, given our early conditioning, are unable to achieve anything close to a satisfactory sex life. Tantra, however, according to their website, "can help us do just that because a spiritual goal is as important to the tantric couple as their love." So, in addition to techniques for improving a couple's sex life, their workshops emphasize "conscious maintenance" of the relationship. Rather than assume love will go the distance no matter what, couples are tutored on how not to neglect their partnership.

      At their workshops, the Muirs advise men to withhold ejaculation and abandon the notion of "quickie" sex, and at the same time place a lot of emphasis on finding their partner's G-spot in order to achieve prolonged sexual encounters. According to the Muirs,

"When couples come to realize that lovemaking can enhance their vitality and empower them in the rest of their lives, sex becomes much more attractive, and their sexual connection is renewed."

      Margot Anand is a teacher one writer described as, "the closest to being a household tantra name." The success of her book, The Art of Sexual Ecstasy (JP Tarcher, 1991), led her to start an international school called Skydancing Tantra. Anand, a Paris-born, Sorbonne-educated psychologist, studied yoga, bioenergetics, Gestalt therapy and Taoism before embracing tantra. She was especially influenced by her long association with Bhagavan Sri Rajneesh (who later changed his name to Osho) in Poona , India . Anand says skydancing is the ancient metaphor for the ability to achieve ecstatic states through sexuality, and she uses the term in order to make tantra more accessible to Westerners.

      She calls hers a holistic approach, incorporating tantric, taoist and American Indian traditions. According to her website, Skydancing is a "blending of modern techniques of bioenergetics, NLP, visualization and effective communication skills with sacred ritual, sexual magic, massage, meditation and other unique ways of working from the heart."

      This psychological and therapeutic approach with an emphasis on technique bothers Feurstein. "Because popularized tantrism is soft on the ego personality, it runs the risk of degenerating into black magic," he says. "Genuine tantrism seeks to provide avenues for transcending the self, or ego-personality; black magic is always an attempt to gratify egoic desires."

      Most modern teachers of Tantra don't, however, feel they need to apologize for molding an ancient tradition. Robert Frey is a certified hypnotherapist with a masters and PhD in counseling psychology who has spent 30 years studying and teaching a variety of modalities, including tantra. He writes, "Because the issues confronting individuals and couples in our modern society can be very different from the predominant issues of ancient cultures where tantra emerged, tantra and tantric practices have had to evolve. This evolution has, in the view of some tantra teachers, brought about an integration of tantra with modern psychology. Also modern music and dance have found their way into the work." According to Frey, rituals and ceremonies, breathing practices, spinal yoga, sound and toning practices, and loving touch can combine for a tantric approach that can benefit many people, perhaps inspiring them to embrace tantra as a life path.

      Couples often seek out tantric practitioners because they no longer feel sexual desire for their partner, have lost a primal connection to their mate, or find their sexual desire does not match their partner's. Also, women sometimes pursue tantra because they have been unable to achieve satisfactory orgasms through a traditional approach to sexual intercourse. Tantra workshops usually involve a group of couples and sometimes singles, but practitioners also see individuals privately or with their partner.

      A private session in Boulder can range from $100 to $250-a bargain, considering on the West Coast a session usually starts in the $250 range. Workshops start at around $700 and up, depending on accommodations.

      One Boulder teacher believes tantra is just on the edge of being mainstream. "Twenty years ago, people were still unclear or skeptical about yoga. Now yoga is everywhere. That skepticism still prevails around tantra, but I think we'll see it change dramatically in the next 15 years."

      We can only hope "bliss" will also become mainstream.  

Resources, local and beyond 

For more information on tantra, check out the following:

	General information on tantra, www.tantra.com
	Margot Anand, www.margoanand.com
	Juliana Dahl; www.sacredsexyes.com; 303-593-2995
	Athena Lund; www.templeoftantra.com; 720-436-1000
	Charles and Caroline Muir; www.sourcetantra.com; 303-544-2335
	Yoga Research and Education Center, www.yrec.org
	Tantra: Cult of the Feminum, by André Van Lysebeth (Red Wheel/Weiser, 2002)
	Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Tantric Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers, by Margo Anand  (J.P. Tarcher, 1991)
	Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving, by Charles and Caroline Muir(Mercury House, 1989)